Quote:
Originally Posted by ListenMoreTalkLess
Talking about trauma helped me realize how harmful my silence had been, for years and years. After awhile, I truly felt (didn't just "know") that the scariest thing was experiencing the trauma when I was a child, and talking about it as an adult was overcoming it, taking the power out of that experience and helping me move forward without being trapped in my past. Being able to talk about it from my adult place, with compassion for the child I was, was what has healed me more than anything else. With the recognition that I am still a work in progress.
From where I sit, you are doing one of the most courageous acts that a person can, and the reward will be a kind of sweet freedom. It takes awhile to get there, though.
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It is so hard. So immensely hard to go against that "silence". The fear of saying something and the confusion of exactly what to say, mixing up what is healthy with what is "normal". And feeling so defective and overly sensitive when I was hurt by it. Thinking something was wrong with me because I could never be good enough, no matter how much I tried and the fear that I will never get it right. Feeling like a constant failure, and like the people around me were ashamed of who I was because I wasn't good enough. The fear of being even a small inconvenience, not knowing what the consequences might be, from mild irritation to rage to calculated punishment and retribution for the "wrong" I did.
Yeah, it's terrifying to tell someone else and wonder whether they will see me the same way.