Well all I feel is confusion today. I don't know what I'm supposed to believe. I trust my boyfriend. But things are really conflicting for me right now. When I questioned my psychiatrist and my care coordinator if they were spies. They said they weren't. My psychiatrist even pointed out an ID badge that he was wearing. He said he didn't know how to be a spy. My boyfriend said that they're not spies. But the voices insist that they are. I'm trapped. No way out. I can't escape this confusion.

They've changed my meds to abilify in liquid form that I have to take orally. I'm not really into the idea of taking it. One of the side effects is death. It's like they're trying to kill me. Another side effect is being suicidal. I've just gotten over a rough patch like that. I don't want to go back to trying to end it all again. But my boyfriend wants me to try it. He said I'll get better. And sure they've put me on a tiny dose, but I don't trust them. They could be spies and they could have fooled my boyfriend. I just... I just can't trust them. Not one bit.