I don't know sometimes I think we do this to desensitize ourselves---I never had anything that bad happen but I know just with the idea that I could have schizophrenia I found stuff triggering at first---you know they always have either a neutral picture of a brain with an article or what I call a "crazy" face and it was kind of sz roulette what you would get, that and even books they have either a positive spin or call it the most devastating illness etc. I can't say I liked seeing the more negative articles but these days it's like nothing---I think to an extent I was armoring myself so that I was already exposed to the worst I could imagine and already had time to deal with it on my own. I think it's actually just a part of processing. I also think it's a kind of ownership like what people did with the word queer----it tended to be pretty negative but you can reformulate it so it doesn't have the same vibe. I wonder if you're doing the same thing, kind of like dipping your toe in the lake and then slowly going out farther until your acclimated.