those words are very precious...and shouldnt be used lightly...i know it must be terribly difficult as you have mentioned...but i assure you when you do find that you want to say i love you it will be a diamond for him....he will take it and treasure it and treasure you. If he knows you well enough he will understand...and he will be patient....just give yourself time..because if you say it when you dont want to it might be harder to deal with that then with actually saying it....good luck love, Inny