Hi ThisWayOut, good plan with the follow-up calls!!! Hope you've got that sorted. But remember we're not talking about you holding out for a day, and we're certainly not talking holding out for the 2.5 weeks you've got your T for.
What we are talking is you doing your absolute best for that period, OK? Now thinking in terms of a day when the urges hit, might be a bit meaningless, yes? So try to bring that down to focusing on the next 15 mins/the next half hour when they hit and then after they pass with no SI.........the next 15mins/the next half an hour..........and so on and so on. And in those times make sure you're using as many distractions/escape techniques as possible/as you need.
AND of course give yourself REAL credit as each of those timescales (and make those whatever you want) passes. Even have a reward of some kind at points you pass. Remember you're not stopping you're riding out the urges as much as you can.
And when you say you managed to slow down a tiny bit but don't know how to stop.........well I'd say you're doing exactly what you need to do towards stopping, considering the urges/how hard you're trying/how addictive it is. A little bit more/a little bit longer/a little bit less at a time and again just what you're doing in using all the coping resources you can think of that work for you. Maybe there's some more you can add, but it sounds like you're exploring that route, right?
And you know, if we're talking no lead up to it........then if you haven't already.........then if you have a "calm" moment just look at all the things you might be tempted to use and move them way out of your vicinity/get rid of some where you can inc. have plenty of "safer" alternatives more easily available e.g. rubber bands, felt markers.......you know the kind of thing.
And I'd say it's not your rationalization at fault, don't "beat yourself up" for that. While it's excellent you seem to have really good insight and it might well help you some, it is still an addiction. So it can sometimes be just as much about just doing whatever you can to try to move away from it. And seriously, your T can't fault you/think any the less of you while you're doing that.....whatever...........can they??!!
But hospitalization- that is a big one to try to avoid if you can. So great you're using the crisis lines, keep it up. Remember, as much as you need!!! Medication...........get that reviewed........with emergency appointments if needed.
And if you feel you might be at real risk go to the hospital!! Better you turn up there (to be assessed, to have medication assessed) with no or more minor injuries than ending up there with more major ones and a much bigger chance of you actually being hospitalized.
But for now, lets focus on the getting through this, do you think?? Maybe?? Bit by bit.................??
And you know we're here to support you as well, right??
Alison