Hi Snuggles, you're right you won't be judged for who you are here, and have the openness to speak how you really feel.
And you have seen that it can be done, you have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Now "just because" things are getting hard doesn't mean that it isn't still there. Depression can sometimes be unpredictable and although it's coming back (as it sometimes might) that doesn't mean that it has to be here to stay (particularly if you're looking for help with it) or that it has to get as bad as it was before.
It's really good that you're acknowledging that it's coming back now and speaking up about it, giving you a good starting point to try to work towards moving forward again.
Now maybe there were things that have helped just a little in the past you can return to trying...............??
Although I noticed that you'd retired which helped at first but now............I'm just wondering if the "honeymoon" period had kind of passed on that and maybe you need a little more in your life now to keep a bit of a balance (a better balance) e.g. a few hours voluntary work here and there??? Or something you can find some meaningfulness/purposefulness in????
Or anything at all (however small!!) around the time which could have contributed to you starting to feel worse again???? But if I'm wrong on those sometimes depression can have it's up's and down's for no obvious reason.
And if your family and friends are tired and frustrated with it all (sometimes depression can have you misinterpreting other peoples feelings) then I'd say (like I'm sure you would too!! ) you could really do with them being more supportive. Perhaps you could explain to them a little more exactly how you're feeling?? And give them a few pointers on things they could do which might help you a bit more??
Still you do know there's hope at least from your experiences, so hang in there, you've come to a good place for support and keep on talking to us..........anything we can do to help!!
Alison