I have read this information thoroughly, and it is not comforting. I believe that I am responsible for the way my life doesn't work, that my incompetence has consequences, and that I am responsible for being a person who finds it challenging to create nurturing personal relationships. I take full responsibility for being completely ordinary, a person who achieves ordinary results, who finds job competition challenging, who is often fearful and insecure.

I am sad tonight after a 3-hour job interview that included essay questions, a committee interview, and a teaching demonstration during which I forgot and flubbed a transition from one topic to another.

Ordinary, ordinary, ordinary. Or less than that. I create my own problems by not having self-esteem, which causes me to be have defensively and in prickly ways in relationships. I am smart but really, it just doesn't matter in many ways.