I think some of it is elemental, deeply instinctive, primal. I am reminded of dogs in the pack. In terms of counter-transference, we may want to elicit affirming, nurturing reactions, but if we're used to dismissive, damaging reactions, we may want to trigger those too: the underlying need in both cases is to know our place and to feel secure.

So the response we *want* may not be the same as the response we try to get. We try for security sometimes rather than pleasure. I'm thinking about risk tolerance now.

Anyhow, back to the salt mines.