Quote:
Originally Posted by Altinak
Hola 
I thought I'd do somewhat of an intro post here, cause I do want to be more regular at posting in this sub-section.
I'm 22, and was diagnosed with Borderline PD Oct last year. At the end of 2012, I ended up having a breakdown and that's when I discovered that not only was I enduring severe depersonalization (I just refer to it as dissociation) but I realised that I had been for many years.
Sounds silly right? But anyway, at the start of this year I was confident I had came out of my break down period fully but I still deal with a lot of issues -sigh- The joys haha. But one of these major issues is my dissociation, I depersonalize on a daily basis - sometimes for half the day.
It doesn't cause me too much distress anymore because I've learnt to function somewhat during it, but it can vary in degree so when it gets really bad - the world is a very strange place for me. I guess I'm just looking to meet people who understand what I go through and I know dissociation is completely diverse in the way it works for people.
It took me pushing the topic with pdoc for her to even realise how severe it was, because it does impact on my recovery during Distress Tolerance - and unless somehow it's addressed or managed, I'm not sure how well I'll deal with DBT.
I've not been diagnosed, but I'm almost certain that I do have depersonalization disorder -Sigh- On top of BPD.
Idk, what are your experiences?
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Hi there-
It sounds very dissociative, but as others mentioned, it could be other things. If you had a breakdown, it could be that you are now aware of a different reality than before when your defenses were more fully engaged (many emotional defenses distort reality).
I read some of your previous posts too, and you sound imaginative, personable, and extremely intelligent; but interestingly, you do come across as happy. But it seems like a sort of detached/carefree happiness, for lack of a better description.
I have had some experiences with depersonalization, and many types of dissociation, including the very bizarre. The depersonalization for me was like being detached from yourself. I've felt what you described as being outside of your consciousness, sort of watching yourself. Sometimes it's described as watching and experiencing yourself as if you were watching yourself in a movie. That's also a symptom of PTSD, btw.
Hopefully it's just temporary as it was for me. It can be difficult to treat, especially for people who experience it chronically. It also can manifest when coming clean from drugs and/or alcohol, but later dissipate. What medications have you tried?
Also, I'm really wondering what your parents are like? You are so young.