Life and the universe is vast and fascinating and varied. Is there anything besides composing and music you find value in. I have to settle for less than joy. Contentment is the best I settle for. I find satisfaction in things, like learning for the sake of it. I can apply my intelligence and creativity in ways that I get satisfaction from but rarely pure joy. I can master things that may or may not serve any useful purpose for me just for challenging my intellect. Finding meaning and purpose in suffering is much more difficult but people do it. Probably like me they are not atheist.

Gaming I was into for about five years and it was very challenging and I learned a lot about building websites and some programming and computers.

I guess I am saying I had to set lower standards and by financial society definitions do meaningless things that satisfied my intellect and creativity.

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