For the past few days I have not slept-- I have been crying in my bed all night, usually with my body all twisted up and clenched. I am very confused and disoriented. Can't stop crying. I don't want to work at Curves. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to be in healthcare. I don't want to live here. I don't want to be around people anymore. My head hurts very badly. I don't know whether to hurt myself, drink, eat, scream. Doesn't matter anyway. I've come to the realization that I don't have a healthy relationship with food and never have. All my life I've either starved myself or severely overate. I've never enjoyed food and I've always been scared of eating around other people. I've lost a lot of weight, and people tell me I look good but it makes me cry and want to scream, and I don't understand why it does. I'd rather be happy and healthy than be told I look great. I hate doctors, they don't care and are ****in retarded. Douchebag doc hasn't checked my lithium levels in at least 6 months, although I've requested that some labwork be done. I hate people, people don't understand. They don't want to understand. I think I am broken.