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Wants2Fly said:
Hi All --

Thank you, Skye and KD, for bringing up how that praise is a gift to ourselves, as well, and helps ME both recognize something positive in my life -- and experience that moment of positivity.

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I would like to say thanks for this discussion of praise too. When I focus on the positive things about those around me, it makes me feel better. I'm a natural worrier, so I often imagine how I would feel if the last conversation I had with a loved one is one in which I argued with them or criticized. So, I make a point of telling them I love them and praising them.

My sister and I have very different perceptions of our parents. For her own reasons, my sister is usually only able to focus on the negative. She focuses a lot of her time and energy on pointing out their shortcomings, imperfections, and what she sees as their failure as parents. She blames them for everything that is wrong in her life and she is terribly unhappy. They praise her, but she won't praise them in return... and I believe that hurts her as much as (if not more than) it hurts them.

When I was quite young, I started to worry about losing my parents and how devastated I would be. I thought a lot about the things I would miss most about them. I know they weren't perfect parents, because no one is perfect. But I know they loved us unconditionally and I adore them and am so thankful to them for giving me a wonderful childhood -- full of love, feelings of safety and support.

I focus on their positive qualities and all the wonderful things they have done -- not their mistakes. I tell them often how much I love them, why I admire them and appreciate them, and thank them for helping to make me who I am. It makes me feel good and positive -- and it makes them feel good too.

If you were to talk to my sister and I, you would assume that we had different parents because, according to her, they were horrible parents. Maybe they just weren't the kind of parents SHE needed. Maybe I was just lucky and got the kind of parents I needed -- and still need. I don't know. It hurts me to see her so unhappy, though, and it hurts me to see the pain my parents feel when they are faced with her recriminations and blame. I believe my sister would be happier if she could focus -- even just once in a while -- on the love our parents have always had for her and all their positive qualities. She is entitled to her feelings, of course. I can't change the way she thinks, but I love her and want her to be happier... and I feel that her obsession with her "horrible" childhood is an impediment to her happiness. I wish she would give praise a try -- if only for her own benefit.