I discovered a well-hidden trap in my psychology. A very important trap!!! I kept saying myself, "since I want to be an artist so badly, I should at least try it seriously once...and if it doesn't work it means I'm not cut out for art as business, so I'll stick to making big time as a scientist"

Watch the "just once" part. I weren't allowing myself to try more than once, I were persuaded I weren't entitled to more than one try...when the cycle of try-and-fail is essential to learn and succeed. I've been intimidating myself badly, it's also one of the reasons I have (it's "had" now)a growing art anxiety that didn't let me draw.

Plus, this way science became "unfriendly", since it became the shadow that would be allowed to consume my love for art. And that's why this way of thinking was making me to freeze...And it is lucky it did. The freezing saved me! I would have failed in art, and my subconscious love for it would hinder me in science forever (as it has up to now, in escalating levels). In short, I'd most probably be doomed to live as a mediocre and unsatisfied person!!!

I'm not sure of how I realized the whole thing, it was like divine inspiration, but I feel extremely lucky. Step one was to stop having extreme expectations from my scientific side, step two to ditch the insecurity baggage in art. My head feels very clear now. All I have to do is to return to my basic philosophy: never stop! At last, I can live by being sincere to myself and my dreams. I only have to figure how to balance both areas in my daily program and I'll be ok! (Which will take a bit of work, since both are demanding!)