((birdpumkin)),

Well, even though everything I posted is true, you actually did also suffer a traumatic loss. I am sure you are struggling to process that and deal with the "I can't believe that happened" taking place too. It would make sense that you are remembering the days before the loss too as it went from being "normal" to all of that being suddenly destroyed. Plus you are the woman of the house so the old environment to "you" had a much deeper meaning as you had put so much of yourself in that environment and lets face it, that was
all destroyed and you had no control what so ever in that event.

Honestly, this is why "trauma" therapy is important because you need help with processing all this, and you need to be able to discuss all the ways it is affecting you and be validated and comforted with every feeling you have. I am also sure you are back tracking to whatever caused the fire and thinking about how you could have noticed something that could have prevented it. I did that constantly myself and I struggled with guilt and anger and remorse all at once and it just overwhelmed me.

Are you seeing a therapist now? You may question if that will be helpful as it wont change the outcome, however, you need to have a presence that you can talk about it as much as you need to. As you get validated and comforted while you run through the way you are thinking and feeling, it will really help you finally get to a point where you accept it on all the different levels you have been expressing here so you can finally get to a point where you have been able to grieve it enough and move forward.

(((Hugs))
OE