Is this seriously ALL I can look forward to the rest of my life, being set off by any odd random event, and feeling like crap for days or weeks or months or forever?

Really? I must have been a terrible person in some past life if this is what Karma or God or the Universe or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or whoever/whatever wants for me.

Because it just all feels so hopeless. It's such a multi-faceted problem, like a giant knot of thousands of strands, virtually impossible to unravel. And without end.

Kind of like eternal damnation to suffer, just without the actual hellfire and brimstone.

I feel like I'm trapped on this hamster wheel, but if I stop, I die. The people in my life who should support and love me the most treat me like crap for the most part, accusing me of being selfish for spending time on myself, telling me I'm irresponsible because I no longer follow their orders like I did all of my life and act like their groveling underling. (Yes, I had a fight with a family member, that's what that comment is all about).

And, I feel like crap today physically, and I have to get a lot of things done, even though all I really want to do is go to bed, and it will be hours before that is even a remote possibility.

So instead, all I can do is sit here, abuse my body with another shot of caffeine in the form of an energy drink, and try to get through the next 9 hours or so until I can go to bed, then get up tomorrow at 4 am and start it all over again.