I took a class in grad school on grief and loss, and my prof had a very interesting take. He believed that we continue to have a relationship with the person that died, and that relationship evolves and changes as time goes on. He believed that a relationship doesn't end once a person dies-it just becomes different. (He was speaking in an emotional sense or a spiritual sense-not a supernatural one, unless of course, that works for the person).

I think it's an interesting idea....

It's not as though you are denying that difficult aspects of your brother existed when he was alive...you fully acknowledge them. But for whatever reason, the more positive parts of him are standing out to you now. You're able to talk to him more (and perhaps in a different way) than when he was alive.

I don't think that you're missing someone who didn't exist-I just think that as you grieve, your relationship with him is shifting, and that's ok.


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