Hi T,

Well, I was up all night last night with horrible stomach pains. It has subsided quite a bit but not completely. I know some of the pain is from eating dairy.

However, I'm having some horrible anxiety/depression with regards to plans for the future(ie:end of 2014). Exercise is helping a little but not a lot. I can't but feel I'm failing grandma at the end of the year by letting my mom and aunt place her in a home. I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. Kind of a damned if you do damned if you don't thing.

Mom is getting frustrated with this downturn in mood now. Starting to feel like a burden to her. She says "it's hard for me to watch". Well...DUH, how do you think I feel going through this???!!!???

Hopelessness is definitely setting in. If I can't get and stay well....what's the point in trying? I don't want to keep trying just to get only a few months relief. It just doesn't seem worth it. I work my *** off to get well only to have it all ripped out from under me again. Maybe it's time to find a psychiatrist and get meds adjusted a bit.

Will call insurance and find out how to use mental health benefits. Might need referral from PCP I don't know.

Right now I'm gonna take a nap before going to DBT

Thanks,
melisssad81