ThisWay!!! You haven't failed miserably!!!! You know how much you tried not to, you know how long you hung on for, you know the efforts you made, and most of all you know how hard it was!!!! And trust me, I'm sure some of us have been feeling/sensing that too in you/your posting!!! So you have not failed!!!
The time/s you've held out just show your success in starting to move that little bit further away from this.
I mean sometimes expecting someone to just stop/just stop just like that/end of!! with the kind of urges you seem to be having (?) can be the equivalent of asking someone who doesn't even drive to "just get in that car and win the Grand Prix now/this minutewill you?".
I'm not saying that stopping has to be as hard as that necessarily, but the chances of it being as easy as just doing that can be way out there!!!
So don't go putting unfair expectations/blame/judgement on yourself, OK?? You are working towards stopping. You are having successes in doing that.
And maybe, you need a bit more help in stopping, nothing wrong with that!!! A few more drivers lessons?? . But that doesn't mean you can't get there, that doesn't mean you're not already on your way.
And as for stopping trying, OK........a breather, it's been really intense for you and maybe you feel it's all pointless/you're just not up to it, right???? That would be natural but maybe a little more credit for just how well you've done/just how well you're doing?????
Alison