I realize that with death of a loved one brings grief...but stress and extreme anxiety bring out my bp symptoms and depression. Can anyone else relate? My mother was a good person who had her faults. She contributed to my issues. She was abusive and harmful. Her way of showing love was by buying me things. She didn't know how to love me. I was not loved in the way a person should be loved. One minute she could be paying for me to go to the dentist and the next she would be putting me down. In August she bought me a car...I pay for it but she put it in her name. Then a few months later she heard me crying and said to stop crying like a dam baby. I tried to limit my exposure but it was hard. When I was hypomanic she didn't know how to deal with me. That's common isn't it? When others just can't understand but out of anyone I would have loved to have her acceptance. During my depression she would pay for my meds then the next minute told me to get it together...and she refused to accept my issues. I've just came out of iop program at the hospital...I got stabilized with a good med combo along with new skills to help me with my symptoms. But we all know the symptoms can break thru. How can I stay balanced but grieve at the same time? Sorry to babble on but I needed to vent. I feel guilty even thinking of the negative parts of her. She did alot of good things for me. She was always there for me no matter how negative or positive it might have been.

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