It's such a damned conundrum, this depression thing. We get to a point in our lives where we don't feel much emotion, just that empty feeling. I've even reached a point where I don't care about anything, my own health or even waking up tomorrow. But, I ask myself, if I don't care about life and death itself even, why the hell am I so afraid of failure then? What stops me from doing ANYTHING that my twisted mind can come up with. The world should be an unimaginable vast place of possibilities for someone like me who doesn't care. I mean if I feel nothing, why would I feel disappointment when I fail then? This is how depression screws with your mind. If I am truly uncaring then I should have balls of steel and bravado in bucket-loads, because the end result shouldn't matter right? I mean, I've just proclaimed that I don't give two hoots about what happens. And, that's the thing. Something still makes you care. Something still says be careful, don't be a fool. It's literally an internal war within yourself, the two sides of you doing battle. Doing things, creating things, teaching people things, it not only acts as a distraction from this internal conflict, but acts as a form of self-validation for me. It reminds me of who I was before. Even in real wars, of the scale of World War I or II, there are many things that come to a standstill, because the conflict takes centre stage and all the world's resources are poured into it. But, on the sidelines, little operations still went on day to day, despite the overall circumstances they found themselves in. The corner baker still baked his breads and cakes to the best of his ability, even when they stopped his supplies he made another plan, the community newspaper still gave out it's weekly dose of news, focusing not on the conflict, but upon the little things happening in the village, even when it was almost impossible. It is these little things that keep going and adapt and innovate during times of trouble. We should all find our little things in us that are so hard to kill, that just won't quit. There is a undying spirit within us all, that no matter what gets done to it, still rises from the ashes. There are always many reasons to focus on the greater conflicts going on within us, and we put so much energy (i.e. resources) into being combative, into solving this war. The only way to end a war is stop the resources that are supplying it with weaponry and ammunition. I think one should look back to one's own "little village" and again appreciate the things that matter when there is no war going on. Let the fighting go on over your head, let the bombers fly over. Let other people fight if they want. As long as you can remember your "little village" and what makes it special, the wars don't matter so much anymore.

Sorry guys for the long philosophical post . But, I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe we have lost sight of those little things that we used to like about ourselves, our unique little things, because we are too preoccupied with our depression (inner conflict). I've heard people say that depression is anger turned inward. Maybe action or doing things is a way for us to remember our unique talents or skills we have, that one thing you and only you can do, that others just can't understand or do. We all have them somewhere in us, we just forget.