Dear Kneehole...

First, you are right, this seems like a very large and dramatic change in thinking from where you were last week with your T....and your real nervousness is that she will not be prepared or realize somehow how badly your are hurting and how much fear you have right now. If I may suggest it, and your T allows it, perhaps it's time to copy this and email it with some adjustments to T so that she will be ready for you.

Secondly, as you already know, nothing is hurting you right this minute. You are safe. It is the future that seems so frightening to you based on your current patterns of behaviours and thoughts.... So do everything you can to ground and distract until some of these fears stop spiraling quite so much...

Then email T and really see how afraid you are and whether you still feel like you need to go inpatient. If you continue to feel unsafe, please just go and get evaluated... Let things calm just a little and then take stock of where you are and what your T recommends. She knows you well, I assume, and will help you see through the spirals to where you need to be.

So breathe, send the email...distract and self soothe for a while...and then evaluate what you need again. Journal some more and see if some key points don't come out to help you make your decisions...and let T guide you. But if at any point you take one step beyond consideration of those thoughts, please go to hospital and call pdoc/T and let them know so they can facilitate the intake process.

Please let us know how you're doing...best wishes and
gentle soothing hugs,
Wysteria Blue