It does sound like it could be a depressed episode. In my own experience I would recommend restarting medication but the caveat is it may not work the same. The last time I ditched meds (suddenly - no taper) I started them again after coming down off a hypomania and the med didn't work. At all. The depression came on quickly and turned ugly very fast, as it does for me as a rapid cycler. Now I am struggling once again to find a med combo that works.

I'm not trying to scare you or upset you, I just want you to know.

It's the suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self harm that concern me with you. I would not want you to try to soldier through this without some kind of help, especially if they are, as you put it, intense at times. I am struggling with the same thing - not constant but intense when they are there but I have a lot of support. I am in an IOP, about to step up to the PHP, and I am under a pdoc's care, trying a new med. If you still want to try it without medication I understand that (oh boy do I ever understand that!) but I recommend at least having a therapist to help you through!