I'm just having a breakdown over my eating disorder. Just within a few weeks it has spiraled out of control again and it sounds sad but I'm scared. I'm scared because I'm afraid my body is finally going to be like done after 11 years of an eating disorder. But then somehow my eating disorder convinces me I'm not sick of enough. I'm not thin enough. I don't deserve to be in treatment. I'm so sick of this. I'm scared I'm never going to get out of this hole. I finally ate something today and then I wanted to purge so bad and I was trying to get support and the only thing I got was well you look healthy.