Stubbornness. A desire to "win" (I have an ongoing war where it's me vs. my brain, but I also refuse to let my family win!). A desire to keep things hidden and unseen because I don't want people to think of me as being messed up. A need to be considered responsible. A fear of ever losing my job and losing independence.
Mostly it's stubbornness 
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"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..."
"I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.
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