So interesting that you posted this, Sky. I just spoke with my T yesterday about my black and white thinking. I was getting so frustrated because I came to the realization that it is my way of thinking and relating. It is part of me, my personality-- how can I change something that is so embedded in who I am? It's not like it's a symptom, or a behavior, or even a thought that can be changed cognitively-- it's a whole process of thinking, behaving, and relating that normally gets started in childhood and continues through adulthoood. Mt T was pointing out my all or nothing pattern at one point in the session, and when I answered him, it was another extreme! I do it all the time!

Sky, I believe gray is the ability to hold and/or recognize mulitiple feelings for someone or something at the same time, and be comfortable with that. Gray isn't just the middle, but it's the notion of feeling comfortable in the middle. It's so hard-- how can we be comfortable in the center if we don't have the sides to cling to? The middle is a very scary place. There are things that seem much safer-- yes/no, black/white, all/nothing, attached/abandoned, love/hate, etc. Easier to feel each extreme, one at a time.

It is not stupidity on your part. How easy it is for me to explain all this... yet I can't do it either. Maybe I'm not ready to give up that safety yet. You are not stupid--if your thoughts and your feelings are disconnected, that doesn't make you stupid.