Quote:
Originally Posted by tigergirl
What makes it pathetic?
If it was someone else ... saying they wanted to be in love and to have those feelings of being in love ... would you think they were pathetic?
Is there any way you could fall in love again with your husband? (not talking about other choices but to actually have him as the one you fall in love with)
Is there some way you can have the more mature love you are experiencing now but also retain or hold some of the in love feelings? with your T and with your husband
It doesn't seem so pathetic to me  |
Thanks, tigergirl. Good questions! I have to try.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
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Thanks, stopdog. Yes, I've read about limerence. It sounds like infatuation, like HazelGirl suggests. They both are relevant to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HazelGirl
What you're talking about is infatuation, and although fun, it never lasts in any relationship. No one makes it stay forever. Romantic gestures give you pieces of it, though. Maybe you and your husband could benefit from marriage counseling to try to figure out how to reignite that spark?
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My H won't go to counseling. We tried it with my T for a few sessions a couple of years ago.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1914sierra
Being in love is not the same as true love. No one stays "in love" forever. They either drift apart when that "high" goes away, or they develop more mature, true love for each other which isn't about the "high" of being in love. Maybe this is a sign that you are finally maturing Rainbow. That's not a bad thing.
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I'm not sure now what I'm missing, the love, sex, or intimacy--probably a combination. If I had some of it, I wouldn't need the high. I hope I wouldn't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by boredporcupine
It almost seems like the infatuation died when you started feeling like she was meeting your needs for touch, etc. It seems normal that the longing and obsession would decrease when the other person is responsive and available. But it's as though part of you almost prefers chasing something just out of reach.
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bp, that is VERY insightful! This is embarrassing but today I felt it again probably because the session was intense and I talked about sex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GenCat
Wanting love is never pathetic, no matter ones age. At least you know what you want, most people don't even know if they want love or just sex these days.
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Thanks. I'm not sure, though. Not exactly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive.
It’s not pathetic because it is your truth. It is where you are at, at the present moment.
Getting it out there (as you did via email & as you might do if you raise it in session) will enable her to meet you where you are at. That is where the therapeutic work proceeds. So, don’t feel bad about it.
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Wise words. Thank you. T told me today that I do have someone to be in love with--my H. I wish that could happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneC
None of this sounds pathetic at all! To me it sounds like you could end up learning a lot from a discussion about this.
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I say "pathetic" because I've been "in love" with Ts for years. It's got to stop!
Quote:
Originally Posted by _Mouse
We say it because we want it understood.
When we say anything in therapy, it creates space for it to become something else.
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Profound, Mouse! Thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain
Doesn't everyone want to love and be loved?
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Yes, being IN love is different, at least to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tigergirl
Hope it went well today rainbow |
It was intense! I talked about sex and got embarrassed/ashamed. My face was red. Yuck! Of course T didn't let me talk about feelings for her but about how my H and I can have a better relationship. She gave me some suggestions.
She said I don't have to ask every session if she will still hold my hand. She said she won't ever take it away again. My stomach hurt and she asked me to put my hand where it hurt. I'm too much in my head, she tells me. It's hard. She asks what I feel but doesn't want thoughts, just sensations in my body.
I felt a lot of shame, which is easy to identify by my blushing. SE is difficult. I had to tell her about my face feeling hot.
I'm glad I talked about this today in spite of my shame about it.