Hi guys, appreciate your time. I think my husband knows how unhappy I am in the marriage. I know he's not happy either...there is a complete lack of companionship and intimacy, we have not had sex for six years now...even before I met this other man...we stay in different rooms! I think we both let things slip by and though he said he loved me very much when we got together he really never worked at the marriage. He took me for granted and we let life catch up so fast with us that romance was left far behind. At a point we both stopped caring. We both got caught up with our work and did our jobs pretty well...sometimes I tend to think that we tried to fill the emptiness of our life with work...at least I think I did. If my husband knew of it I think the first reaction would be anger, after all ego would play a part in it even though he hardly would have the right to. He would probably then say he knew it all along because our marriage lacked intimacy or because I never cared for him. But I don't think telling him about my affair would help although it would be there right thing to do. The other person is out of my life and though my masochist self will always miss him, I don't want to have any connection with this person anymore. What I did was rotten, but he's not been any better either!
My husband makes a great Dad and my child is very close to him...I think we stayed together just for my child...but then I think, after a while, kids sense it too; and better two people moderately happy apart, than two people miserable together.
I cannot help but be harsh on my self. I really did something wrong. I cheated and I did something totally out of character. I invested everything in the relationship only to be left high and dry. I lost my job and today I am financially crippled and my confidence is very low. I waste my days in languor and bitterness. I am sorry, I know I am being repetitive and ranting but I know after it I feel momentarily better, that's why I am so glad I found this forum and you guys. There were so many red flags about this person and I completely ignored it. I felt no guilt about cheating and I really set myself up for a fall. Wiser now but lost and empty.