Thank you for your reply, whoflungpoo - great name btw
You bring up some very valid and I think true statements. Congrats on your 2 years. He drinks outside in the garage, but when he's buzzed or drunk it disgusts me and I remove myself from the situation. I think you might be right that he wants me to fail. All my past running buddies wanted that as well probably because it's a validation of their moderation. I do not think my husband will ever get sober at 55 years old he has been drinking and smoking cigarettes as long as I've been alive. And the knowledge I'm picking up is new as I'm a different person. I'm on ssdi so moving out would mean going to my parent's house. That would Imo drive me crazy. I'm working with a therapist on this and gaining control over my life. No longer seeking his approval has set me free.

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