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mouse_ said:
So I guess I'm confused as to why you hadn't a plan already? excuse my confusion.
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Ever since I've started therapy with him, it has always been once a week. It was pretty much an unsaid understanding as far as scheduling and fees in regards to the number of sessions per week. The whole 2x per week thing is something that came up all within the last 3 weeks or so.
And it is not well planned beause I can't make a %#@&#! decision for myself. My T works differently-- there was never an initial interview session. On the 1st session, we just made up a fee (sliding scale) and then just got into things. At the time, I was too busy trying to hate him so I wouldn't get attached-- Two sessions per week wasn't even a thought for me.
But like I said, I can't make a %#@&#! decision, and we tend to deal with things as they come up. My therapy with him has never been the type where the groundwork has been laid., or a plan has been set up. The only thing he ever told me was "just talk."
I guess this time he made the decision for me. It is not unlike him to provke me a bit, use confrontation. I love that he does that, I need someone to keep up with me. Ultimately, when I go back next week, if I am able to express this anger towards him, I will be better for it. Right now it's difficult to see through it. I've been journaling. I'm hoping once I get through the first couple "%#@&#! him, that stupid piece of %#@&#! %#@&#! %#@&#! therapist" journals, I'll be able to settle down and analyze the situation. And I would like to bring in those first couple journals, too. He is always trying to get me to express the angry thoughts I think about him (which doesn't often happen because normally, I'm busy idealizing him). He always tells me it's okay, that I can say anything, even if it's horrible things about him. I've never been able to do it before, but maybe we're getting close....
Damn Freudian slips... I was reading over this post and I saw that I wrote "...so I would get attched" and I had to go back and change it to read "wouldn't."
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