Quote:
Originally Posted by niceguy
Give more details. If you are sure they were as you say, and you are able to pick them a mile off - why then have you. Do you want to take care of others beyond your own needs, do you undervalue yourself or simply do you need to be loved beyond all measure.
You can find someone who encompasses all of these things, however you have to want to change for yourself. Not them.
I too am like you, the thing is anyone who treats us like that cannot love us and yet, I would simultaneously give up everything for them, if they too could give me what I need.
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I don't want someone who would drop everything for me. Someone who'd be too dependent on me or on that relationship. I think that in a partner I look for the things I'm not. Someone who's more of an extrovert for example, etc.
So I actually started to wonder whether it's a 'love yourself first' thing. If you don't really appreciate the way you are, of course you look for the qualities you wish you had in a partner, you know... Because you really value them so much.
And it is weird, as you say, if I recognize it, then why is it so hard not to simply change this behavior? Probably because the heart can't be given instructions. Although, is it really the heart speaking in this case? Maybe it's rather the old patterns that ended up inside of us... I don't know.
I do want to take care of someone all the time. It seems to be the way I can define myself, as if I don't exist without doing things (for others). Pretty bad, I know. ;-)
I honestly feel as if, when a relationship is 'too easy', I'm not interested. I hate that a lot. But I hope it somehow changes by having certain insights, by noticing the patterns and the behavior.
Did you have any success in doing so, niceguy?