Hi Peaches,

I think I can give you some insight here. It might be way off but it is how I see it, at least from what you've written here.

the first thing that stood out is that you mentioned that you've been in therapy with her for 10+ years for a variety of very difficult issues. I think one of the reasons could be that she feels like your need for emailing should be decreasing with time, not remaining the same. Therapy doesn't rid you of the trauma that happened to you as a child, nothing will do that. I think the goal is to help you come to a better acceptance of your past and help you improve your methods of coping in the present.

When you first began therapy this was all new, so she made herself available through email to serve as an extra support if you needed it. But with time I think her hope was that you would find support with other people in your life - like friends or family - and would not need to email her so much. This doesn't seem to have happened and she might be trying to wean you off emailing her by not being so available.

You haven't done anything wrong, so don't put yourself down for needing her. She encouraged you to email her and didn't discuss the issue of boundaries with you at all. I can see why you would be upset - she fostered a dependency of sorts on her (probably unintentionally) and now she is probably trying to undo it. I think she should be more direct with you and initiated an open, gentle conversation about this. But since she hasn't do you think you can?

A therapist really can't be there for you at all hours once they are off the clock. Not that you expect that, but sometimes even a reply in a couple of hours just isn't possible. You don't know what she is doing - is she with her family, out with friends, at a movie? It's really above and beyond to be so available, especially for a long period of time. And when there is a crisis, it is usually expected you go to an ER, not call your therapist. My pdoc and T are both in a private practice that has email and voicemail, but it is over their server, not personal. So that boundary is set from the beginning. Even though it is frustrating, it does help you find other ways to handle distress on your own. They have a crisis line to call which can page them, but I have only done that once in 7 years for medical reasons. Still it is expected that I should have gone to the ER beforehand.

It definitely seems like you aren't connecting with her. And after 10 years together you should have made much more progress if therapy was effective at all. Do you feel like you've made tangible progress, or just become dependent on her presence? At this point you may need a more interactive, goal oriented therapy.