If your T let you depend on her by keeping up this kind of email contact, that would be her letting you down, not showing she cares. For you to grow you will need to walk through pain, it won't be easy. She's your therapist, and she's there to comfort you, but she cant shield you from reality, she cant coddle you. Your desires are normal for someone with the issues you say you have, I have the same issue actually. I've felt so desperate to talk to my T it made me suicidal when I didn't get an email response for a couple days. I think this is something you need to discuss and examine with her in session. Why do you feel this way? Is this not your issue? Is this not what's causing you pain? I'm sorry about the stupid rhetorical questions, :P I'm talking to myself here as well. If your therapist did just give in and email you back all the time you'd never have to look at this issue. But you cant be truly secure and happy if you don't know how to ground yourself. Also, if you really have a crisis you should call. Not in the middle of the night of course though.