I think this has been the longest week of my life. I feel physically sick when I think about meeting with my T on Friday (after transference disclosure and what I perceive as his change in warmth towards me)
I have realised this week that I felt so bad about his reaction due to a fear of emotional abandonment which has been a theme of my life (don't know why I never realised this before) and I am so desperate to tell my T that it physically hurts. But, when I have communicated with T this week (setting up an appt) his texts seemed so cold and distant that it makes me so nervous to see him, yet I'm so desperate to.
I have to go through a birthday party for my son 2 hours before the appt; I think I am going to be a wreck. I'm already a wreck and it's 2 days away. I want to tell him all that I am feeling, but I just don't know how I (or he) will deal with it.
How do I get through the next 2 days?