i just wanted to say i know how you feel although im a little younger, i too am staying with my dad

i have trouble going to therapy probably for the same reason you have trouble finding a therapist i think, my therapist uses CBT and something else i cant remember.... she' is very nice and understanding so its not this that causes problems for me but whatever that force is you mention... when i go it is worth it though!

i just wanted to let you know my side so that maybe it can help you find the courage to give therapy a try, sometimes its extremely helpful

writing here definitely is a step in the right direction