I'm not really sure how to talk about this, but it's kind of bothering me.

In chat, I might have given the impression that things weren't really bad, and I know there were times when I injected some humour. Well, that wasn't exactly the 'REAL' me.

I'm sorry - this is hard for me, so please bear with me.

See, last week my whole family was away - my parents, my brother and his family, everyone. The office was closed for the week because most of the people were away on vacation. I had a plan - from a while back. It was the chance for me to do what I've been wanting to do for a long time. Nobody would know, nobody would miss me. Not until it was too late.

I looked forward for that week to come, I was like a child looking forward to going on a trip.

One thing lead to another, and the week has come and gone, everyone's back, and I'm still here. I feel like I've missed the boat, missed the opportunity to 'do it', and I feel bad. A friend of mine - who knew about the plan - said he was glad that I'm still around. Why don't I feel the same? Why do I feel like a loser for missing that boat? I don't understand, and it's eating me up....