Hi MKAC -

I don't post much at all, but I felt the need to respond to your post. I can really relate to what you're going through. I've been with my current therapist for 5 years and struggle in a big way with intimacy and vulnerability. And, for about a year therapy with him was very, very difficult and painful for a variety of reasons. Whenever he helped me with life issues, he was great. But, I was struggling with our "relationship" and attempts to talk with him about it only made it worse. His answer was always to talk about it - but for me, talking it wasn't working. He made some mis-steps like your CT made in what he verbalized. I felt powerless and stuck and like he didn't have the ability to help me since he would always fall back on "the only way is through it by talking about it".

Anyway, I finally decided that although therapy was difficult, it really wasn't supposed to be THAT difficult and painful. I knew there was value in working through this with him but felt helpless and stuck. So, I saw a consult T. (And believe me, I struggled mightily with setting aside how insane I felt seeing a second therapist to talk about my relationship with my current therapist. I felt one step away from a Woody Allen movie!) At first I just saw her only a couple of times and it helped. But about 2 months ago I felt like there was still stuff to work through so for now I'm seeing her regularly - every week or two weeks. She helps me process my reaction to what he says that I find hurtful in a way I just can't do with him in real time when I'm hurt by something that he's said. And after she and I have discussed it, generally I can find a way to communicate what is happening with me to my current T. I'm surprised at how productive it has been to see consult T to work on things with current T.

I fantasized a lot about just leaving my T and starting with someone new. But, I do believe those intimacy issues would've just follow me. And, I knew as much relief as it would bring, it would be very, very painful to stop seeing him abruptly.

So I don't know if you feel like seeing two therapists at once is even an option - or something you'd be interested in trying. But for me it has really been helpful in a lot of ways. Even if it hadn't worked out as well as it did, I knew I would benefit in two ways no matter what - 1) it is extremely helpful (and a relief) to discuss openly the feelings I'm struggling with regarding current T with someone who truly gets it and 2) I knew if I decided it was time to move on and see a new T, I could feel more confident that decision wasn't reactive and was well informed.

I'm not sure that this is helpful or the kind of answer you were looking for because it isn't one of the two options you presented. Whatever you decide, I hope it gets better quickly. I understand all too well the feelings you've described in your post and it is its own unique, horrible kind of pain.