I slept a lot today. And now everything is going WAY too fast and I can't stop shaking. Well, I can never really stop shaking because it's a disorder, but it's so much worse than usual.

I don't want to do anything, but I can't seem to stop moving. Can I just stop time? Forever, please?
I never hurt myself, and I don't actually want to commit suicide, but I want to hurt. Pain is so much better than feeling nothing. And the pain feels good. I try so hard to control it, but it's so hard. I try to make due with snapping a rubber band on my wrist or pressing on a pressure point in my left hand.

I have about 3 more weeks until I get to see my new psychiatrist, and I have no idea if I'll like him. If I don't like him, or don't trust him, I don't know if I'll be able to share everything that I need to.
I have a severe phobia of men, as well as authority figures. So I'm really scared and am getting even more anxious the closer it gets to my appointment.

I don't know what to do anymore.