"I just want to stay in bed all day and hide
I'm struggling and people can't seem to see it "

I can relate...

I like all the above suggestions and came up with another idea - visit a nursing home once a week (maybe you know someone that is in such care). Get you out of the house, maybe see if working with people healthcare wise is what you want to do?

By the way I believe people can "see it" - they just don't know what to say or do about it.

I remember 5 days before Christmas - I called my mom and told her I had been hospitalized twice (I kept it a secret from many) and that I needed to separate from my wife. She knew something was going on already. Just something to think about incase there is someone you can think of to reach out to - my mom was and continues to be really supportive - She knows about the anxiety, the depression, the possible BPD, the cutting.

I avoided her call this weekend - I'm sure she is worried, so I'm going to send her a quick email...