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almeda24fan said:

If guess what I am learning here is that if he gives in to calling me between sessions then I won't learn to manage these feelings myself and become more independent. I should've asked though if I felt very of control can I call? I forgot to go there. I think the answer is yes because I've called before twice and he called back both times.

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That's great-- learning to having the boundary between calling when you really need to (like if you feel out of control) and not calling so you can learn to be independent. Sounds like you are well on your way to being connect with T, even if he isn't next to you.

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As for the attachment, I managed to say that it appears that he is uncomfortable at some of what I say and he changes the subject. He said that he is in no way uncomfortable and he loves that I am saying and doing what I am because it shows that I am working on all of this in between sessions. This is as close as I could get to "do you not want to engage in the transference with me"...maybe I can next time?

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I'm so proud of you. You said what was on your mind and you got a positive result. Yes, you can ask him about the transference next week-- after all, you want to leave something for next time.

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I also told him that I felt some inconsistency in his analysis as to whether or not I'm getting better. One week, he thinks I am getting better and then next not so much. I feel like I have accomplished a lot in a year but the last few months have been rough...he agreed.

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So proud I'm going to cry... LOL

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He said no that he and I make decisions about my sessions and outcome.

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This sounds so reassuring. I remember when my T said this. Actually he pretty much needs to say it every single week, haha, because every single week I tell him he's going to terminate me. He always said, "Excuse me-- who's terminating who ?

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But I did tell him what effect this had on me.
I felt like he finally cared and then it was taken away. He said "you don't think I care about you"...and I said "no, I don't think anyone does really..."

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I admire you for this. This sums up exactly how I feel in regards to last night's session. Thank you for saying this. I feel like you said it for both of us. I am going to try my hardest to tell my T this next Tuesday. Thank you for bringing the words to surface.