I know they don't choose & I know that he didn't choose. Remember that back in 1975 when we got married asperger's wasn't even in the DSM until 1994 & even his ADD wasn't diagnosed until 2005.....& I didn't even realize that the reason for his behavior was due to aspergers until a couple of months ago after doing more research on what may have been the cause of his behavior over those years.

Obviously when you don't know there is a reason for behavior that is destroying a marriage & there is no reason that even existed out there, one initially can only think that what they are doing is their choice which after so many years is obvious that it would grow into anger.

That was my point is that now I am sure that the reason for his behavior is aspergers, the anger for his behavior is gone. I grieve not having had a normal marriage.....& at this point there is no way that the marriage could continue......but I am glad that I finally understand the reason behind all that happened for so many years......just as those who finally appreciate getting a Dx so they understand why their lives have been that way,.....those of us who have lived with it appreciate the understanding also even though one can never repair that many years of an unsuccessful marriage.....at least the anger of thinking the behavior was intentional is GONE.

So I think you totally missed the point of what I posted.