I don't know how I'm functioning. At least once everyday I get hit by depression so bad that is physically exhausting. When that happens I get down on my hands and knees and literally crawl to my bedroom. When I'm in my room I just collapse on the floor. Doesn't matter that the bed is 2 feet away; I don't have the energy. I just lie there and try to find something worth doing but I usually end up thinking of all the reasons that nothing is worth doing. I try to self harm but I never have the energy to go get something that could do real damage so I end up with scratches or bruises instead of cuts. Sometimes I lie there and daydream about self harm. I think about the future and I panic. I'm always surprised when I reach a milestone (turning 18, finishing highschool, etc) without killing myself. Feeling happy is so unusual I'm shocked when it happens. Not even self harm makes me happy anymore. Maybe because I don't do it "bad enough". I keep isolating myself. I don't have the energy to talk to people. When I do talk to people I keep thinking that I'm annoying them and get all upset and anxious and mad at myself and self harm. I can't ask people to help me. I can't help myself. I feel stuck and I don't know what to do. I can't ask for help. I think I should go to the hospital but I just lay there and don't move. I'm lost.