Yeah -- there a whole chunk of about 5 years I wish I could take back...but then I think, if I didn't have those years, and if I hadn't made the crazy decisions I made, I never would have met my wife and wouldn't be on the right track and getting better....

While I don't have many good memories (or really a lot of memories period) of that five year period (drugs and alcohol and mania make for some insane behavior), if I hadn't done that, I probably wouldn't have met my wonderful and amazingly supportive wife...who saw through my insanity and helped pull me out of it.

So, yeah, forgive yourself, accept what happened, understand it as something that will make you stronger, and was necessary to help guide to a better future. Something you gotta go through hell in order to reach heaven...