Saw my therapist last night and I am always honest with her but I think I realized something myself that I don't want to be on this roller coaster when it comes down again. Let me explain - I have been to the top of the mountain as it was for about 5 months last summer and it was wonderful. I am basically at rock bottom right now (slightly above it) and feel that if I can just cope, acceptance, and deal with how I am now I should just stay here. I don't feel I have the fight to get back there and also feel it is worthless anyways because I will just come down again and maybe that time I will be so low that I cannot recover (then what). One other twist is my therapist is a christian counselor which is exactly what I want. She stated in a email last night "Everything God does is for your good...that's a truth we need to hang on to in spite of how we think or feel.

I almost wanted to reply back like a little bratty kid well just maybe this is were He wants me ever think of that.

Would love to hear from you guys and gals your thoughts because I am totally confused right now