TJ, may have kind of heard this one before......(!!) but:
"Forgot to say, saw my wife tonight and this has been a strain on her. Told her that I'm very thankful for her being there but that if she needs a break she should take it... Likewise that it's totally fine if she needs to talk to friends.. That I believed there is a charity that is there for giving advice and a listening ear for family of those with MH and I'll try to find out the # for her"
"I was able to ignore my own for a time and take time to listen, ask questions and give him some food for thought in a passive manner"
SO often, on here and out there, you come across as SO thoughtful, considerate, understanding, caring towards others!!!! Just show a little more of that to yourself, hey??
No question, you've been going through a really hard time, so maybe try to use just a little of that to feel even a little (?) better about yourself and to stick with the getting help/making sure you get help.
It is good that you're feeling calmer overall though and supervised leave (even if observed!!) has to be a good thing.
As for your mum, it's mostly sounding like she cares, yes?? But remember that you don't have to go "anywhere uncomfortable" with her if you're not ready!! For some things you can always say that you'd prefer not to/aren''t ready to discuss them...but maybe another time..........? And maybe just switch the conversations to something else.
And for some other things e.g. being monitored........do you think perhaps try to see them as inconveniences, irritations on the road to feeling better?? The main thing is you're on the road!!
Alison