Thanks for the support everyone. I am just hurt that people think that I am acting like a victim and staying depressed because I am getting something out of it. That is exactly what my T said. She kept saying that I am not going to get better until I want to. Well I already know that. That is the problem, I have given up. Then she stated that she knows people who have schizophrenia that still work and manage their life. She did say the difference is that I don't have hope. But she seems to think that I can control this. I don't feel I can. If I could I would be doing the things I need to do and living my life. She made me feel bad that I am not working and my bf is working long hours and he was sick last week and still had to go because of my not working. He couldn't take the chance and risk losing his job, plus he doesn't get paid when he doesn't work. I felt so guilty that I couldn't even stand to be in my own skin. And my T said well doesn't the fact that your bf has to go to work sick make you want to work? She doesn't get it, nobody does. I want to work and be back to normal again. I want my own damn money. I just don't feel like I can though. I'm starting to seriously consider ECT because I can't stand this anymore.