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Dear Mouse,
I struggle with these feelings often as I get very vulnerable in session and then dissociate and feel overwhelmed. Then for me it seems to take days before I begin to "cover up" some of the nakedness and rawness of the event. Then to have to turn around and go back in to face him can be really scary for me and uncomfortable. I am very shame-oriented but my T does not shame. In fact, over time, dissociating in front of him is the only place that I feel safe when it happens. I know he will not hurt me while I'm "away".
Often times, I have to reach out by email or something to "touch" T and say, I am feeling vulnerable and anxious. Sometimes still, walking down the hall to his office is a shaky venture. But once back with T, it seems to melt away after just a few minutes. I know he cares and is safe and so is his office. Keep it that way in your mind. T's office is almost "sacred" in that it is a place for authenticity which means vulnerability but also safety. There is nothing they haven't heard or heard of or maybe dealt with themselves.
If you need to reach out and it is okay with T, then do so...sometimes that in between contact will ease the feelings you have. If not, know that it was a very intense healing moment for you and you should actually be proud of yourself for being so brave and opening your heart up.
Take good care of yourself and wrap yourself in the knowledge that your T is safe and you are working hard towards healing.
Wysteria
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Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart.
Who looks outside, Dreams...
Who looks inside, Awakens...
- Carl Jung
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