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Originally Posted by alexiodo
hello everyone, this is the first time i post on any forum, but i just dont know what to do and figured i could find some help.
ok so ive been dating this girl for 5 months now, and for 6 days now i havent been able to sleep or think about anything else but her past, she told me the truth about how many guys shes slept with recently after i (stupidly) insisted in her doing so.
so heres the deal: shes 18, im 23, i met her with a 2 year old son, raising him by herself with her aunt (gave birth at 15, so i knew i wasnt getting mysel involved with no virgin, and i didnt have a problem with this because i understood when she explained what happened with the father). right away i started caring for her cause shes such a beautiful, kind person, now at this point i can say that ive fallen for her.
she told me at the beginning that shes only been with three guys including the father of the child. she admitted she was too young (13) when she started having sex and that she had alot of problems with her mother at home.. but something about that story never convinved me so i nagged her for months about telling me the truth. last week she finally did and it turns out she has slept with 9 guys by the time she turned 18.
this crushed me hard. i cant sleep or think about anything else. right away i told her how i felt and never made her feel bad about it. so these past 4 days weve had time to talk it over and over, she tells me she was too young and most of the stuff she did was to get attention, and that she regrets doing all those things and wishes she had met me sooner. i dont know what to do. i feel very protective of her and because since im older i want to try and help her have a better life and look at things differently for her and her kid cause i know shes had a rough past, i know she loves me and isnt that same person she was when she was 13 or 15. but the images keep coming back to me, i dont whant to leave her because of what she may have done.. but how do i make myself stop thinking about this? its not fair for me to judge her, i cant exactly remember how many girls ive slept with so i dont want to be a hypocrite.
the other thing is that the first time we had sex she wasnt really experienced, i mean i could tell she had a lot of sex drive but didnt really now what she was doing..now our sex is great and tells me she has learned to enjoy it with me.. i conclude from this that most of her sex past was just innocent kid sex..
idk guys if anyone has any tips of how to get over these stupid images that cant let me move on, please dont hesitate to replay.. thanks
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Kudos to you for recognizing that it's not a good thing and that it's kind of hypocritical to judge when you have a past too.
As for the thinking, you have to realize that her past does not have to affect you now. The only thing that needs to affect you is her behavior with you now. if she's good to you, you're enjoying your time together have good sex and care about each other, focus on what she is to you, not what she was. AFter all everything she's done was before you even existed in her life, and there is nothing in it that has anything to do with you.
people can and do change, mature and hopefully that's waht you both have done before you started this relationship. Try to put it into context of you. If you were the one with the past of having sex a lot would you want to be judged for it? Would you want her behavior toward you to be affected by images of who you had sex with and how much? Try to remind yourself of this actively if the images crop up. It won't be easy but you have to bring this stuff to your conscious mind and accept it as truth. if you focus on what you ARE to her, and waht your relationship is, all the good things you have, eventually it will sink in but it takes active thinking to change your habitual thinking.