I could not go today because I could not find a sitter. I tried to find someone but I dont know many people here. I even tried the rec center because they have day camps there; but not on weekends. My boyfriend went though. I guess the first thing our doc said was; "where is Elizabeth". I am glad he went; he got a referral to a specialist; to help him with his issues. That was a relief. He wants us to set something up for next week; during weekday; so I can get proper child care. I just dont know. My doc is so worried; I guess he said that he feels I need to be in hospital and he understands my fears. He is to the point that he will force me because he see's me pulling away and shutting down. He said what concerns him is that I am having trouble with decisions and thinking clearly. He is also worried about my physical health. He said I am pushing away the ones I love and closing doors to get better. I guess hes right-or is he?? I am not sure. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. He had said to me last time I was there; "Your husband still wants control and I am giving in to him. He has convinced you that you are crazy and don't deserve a normal life. He made me believe that I am a coward and oneday I would take my life because of it. Its not true dear and its time to get the help you need to get over the constant abuse that was part of your daily living."
I keep thinking about these words. Is he right. Am I letting him control me still??
itsjustme.....confused.