This is a very interesting issue. There is a dichotomy between the closeness we feel and how close we are allowed to be in this relationship. All my "practice" at relationships outside the therapy room did not really prepare me for the relationship with T. It is unique. I struggled early in therapy with it. Now, I feel more comfortable with it. I feel very, very close to my T, but I am comforted by the boundaries too. My T self-discloses (I demanded it from him or I wouldn't play ball) quite a bit. His therapeutic approach can accommodate that since he is humanistic (well he's really eclectic, but I see him as having a strong humanistic component). My T believes our relationship is real, and I have talked about this several times in session. He has convinced me what we have is real and authentic. Part of the discomfort came from my expectation that like "outside" relationships, I had an unconscious expectation that a relationship as deep and close as ours would develop into something more. And it doesn't. And I had to learn that this is a special relationship and doesn't follow the same path as other relationships.

One time T said to me early on "I am not going to be your friend outside of therapy nor are we going to sit here and discuss my problems." Man, I didn't even ask him for those things, and it was like a brick thrown in my face to have him say that. I remember responding in a rather snappish way, "it's hard to be confused about those issues when only one of us is paying the other $120 each time we get together." I look back on that now and laugh, but at the time it hurt. And oddly enough, we do sometimes discuss his "problems." And his triumphs too. I find it therapeutic.

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the particular difficulties women face in working in a traditional structure of psychotherapy

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WinterRose, your quote referenced women specifically. Do you think this is less of a problem for men?