There's a dilemma I currently am in. I've had a rough life, and things just keep getting harder. I had to grow up fast, my dad physically and mentally abused me, I saw my mom lose her mind and leave at the age of 16.I constantly moved, and eventually settled I'm Flint MI....a big city riddled with crime and poverty (look it up, Roger and Me by Michael Moore covers flint pretty well) I think I've gone through at least 4 different school districts and 7 schools, there is no normalcy, there is no comfort, no familiarity. I don't have that psychological anchor that most people have. Baby pictures, old toys, school pictures, gone. The only way you can tell I have had any kind of documented life is Internet accounts and debts. I have a child. She is currently 18 months, and not only my daughters mom is keeping her away from me, so is my dad. My dad has thrown me out on the street 3 times and wouldn't even give me a place to stay when I was down and out. It's like, he's punishing me for not being able to cope with the life he brought me into. He wasnt ready for me, I had to suffer with him and his hardships and he turns his back on me, my question is... With so many vital things missing in my life, and constantly changing; how do you trust? How do you get comfortable? I am so angry, and it's effecting me and everyone around. Lately I can't even control my anger and it scares me. I don't fear death, I look forward to it. This
Life sucks, I want to go back home, but thats something I'm not going to pursue on my own (I'm not suicidal) I'm just tired of being so angry and on the defense with everyone. I smile and shake people's hands while holding a knife in the
Other one. People do not know things about me unless I want them to know, I have a wall on demand, I don't like living this way but that's what everything has turned me into...how do I fix this?